Writing, trying to write, is a whole bunch of maybes.
It has your mind in places you maybe afraid to go, or not sure should be shared.
My guest blogger today is Luvliz, she started writing on the web this year and then went radio silent.
I asked her why she wasn’t writing anymore and she said its a struggle for her, so I asked her to write about her struggle with writing.
Which is alot of maybes. So here ‘s the thing, am a lazy writer, Sometimes I don’t even know whether to call myself a writer.
There is just something that doesn’t feel right.
Its probably just in my head or something but its not a good feeling especially when almost everyone around you for some reason thinks otherwise.
It makes you feel like you don’t know your own self and you start feeling low and ungrateful and over thinking about even the most irrelevant things about yourself.
I can blame it on my thoughts, conscience and whatever but the truth is am just lazy and:
Maybe apart of me believes am not as good as people say. You see am sorrounded by these incredible friends who are great, like really great writers.
When I first started my blog it was because I wanted to also be such a writer, but after a while I felt like I cant Compete with that, I felt like the pressure to keep up was too much and I was like: Maybe I should just close up the blog and go on with my usual routine of just reading other people’s work, and well I did just that.
I closed up my blog and at the moment am following routine.
Maybe one day again something will make me rise again and pull up my socks. Maybe, just Maybe I will stop being scared to share parts of myself with the web.
Right now I lack the passion and drive and everything else needed in this writing business .
Am realizing truthfully that it’s so hard being a writer, I have this one friend who looks at me like am the best writer that ever existed (as flattering as that should be, I don’t feel that)
Sometimes annoying because I never know what to write and I don’t want to dissappoint him either, I mean when a person believes in you that much the last thing you want is kill their spirit just because you lack esteem and passion. Sometimes other people know you more than you know your own self.
As for how am writing this, well its all because of Komusana made me write about my frustrations with writing. Iam always whining about how am not a good writer even after she has told me several times that she likes my little articles.
Am starting to think that all writers go through this phrase, at one point or the other, you know like the way people hate listening to their own voices after making an audio?… Well I think its the same scenario here, I cant even go back to see all the nonsense I have written up there.
In short, I need motivation, something like a force or something to push me to try writing atleast once a week, and to reopen my blog, so help me God.