Have you ever failed to sleep?
Like closed your eyes, tossed and turned, felt like you have been in your bed for hours yet it has only been a few minutes?
My cool friends like, the Writer Chic would say those are hours that chose them..
Time they are at their most poetic genius or something cool and writing related.
For me that is time, I realize have let something bother me for too long and I need to let it go.
I realize I am going around in circles partly because, I am in a taxi heading to Kampala and the Mafikizolo music is distracting me ( I am doing an entire shuffle routine in my head) and partly because well 5am is not a time I like to be awake.
Anyway I took forever to sleep last night, set my alarm to be up at 4:30am only to be up at 3am.
So what have I let bother me you ask?
The future (more like meddling in God’s business)
So I am going to my 4th and last year of law school this September, finally!
What I should be caring about is to finally send my dissertation topic to my Dean and actually getting started. However I work at a law office, I have been since last year and I loved it.
I don’t anymore.
Nothing has changed, not on their part, my boss is still as awesome and I get paid.
I think I have changed.
I keep being told how they are looking forward to when I finish school so I can take on full blown responsibility, and the more I hear it, the more I wonder if that’s what I want.
Not the office per se but a future in the practice of law.
Have I been too busy for too long trying to be a lawyer that I didn’t realize, I don’t want to be an advocate?
Do I even know exactly what I want or am looking for in a career?
Is this what I want or need?
Am I allowed to feel this way or I should just shut up and be grateful?
So I was up alright, reeling and mumbling and getting very dramatic and emotional and feeling pressure from myself to make up my mind as if graduation is today.
(Side bar, congratulations to the graduating class of 2016 at Uganda Christian University today but especially to my poetry guru Luke )
Where were we?
Yes me and my sleepless thoughts.
As I slowly allowed myself to slip in panic mode, I felt God just gently but firmly nudge me to stop.
I was reminded of how we all just easily focus on the wrong things and some inspiration hit me like a wave.
Let’s just say, sometimes I get really busy being busy that I forget to make consultation from the source of all things -God.
Growing up comes with a whole lot of questions from all kinds of people.
Those who care and those who are just curious and one of the question I have heard to answer alot lately is
What is your plan after school?
My answer has been “I have no idea”, but whatever it is I am going to kick ass at it.
And you know what? A lot of people don’t appreciate that answer, but I do.
Don’t get me wrong I have serious plans, some really crazy, you would have a good laugh but I know plans change, but when they do, they always work out for my good.
God doesn’t need us up all night meddling in His business a.k.a the future.
He needs us to fix our trust issues with Him.
We need to spend more of that time, we are up at night getting well acquainted with His will so we can enter His rest.
Also everyday is a great day to have an absolutely amazing day and we need to grab a hold of that truth and enjoy it.
The future is securely tacked away and right now is screaming for our attention….
It’s a new month, be intentional about enjoying it.
Of July and the Future
Have you ever failed to sleep?