These Gratitude Things

I love  blogging at the beginning of the month, well because I always have a certain conviction about things at the start of the month and I want to share, but please don’t ask what happens on or around the 15th.

So the professional groupie in me is allover this blog by Sinawo Bukani. In my opinion writing doesn’t get more beautiful or more authentic, but if I had to do review of her blog am sure I am not qualified enough to do it justice,  so am asking you nicely to it check out here https://sinawobukani.wordpress.com

Anyway she is doing a 29LettersofGratitude a whole month series of letters to people that have left a mark in her life under the theme ” We Are Stories”, and as much as I would love to join, am afraid I have come up with enough excuses to recuse myself so I  will just take one.

Today I am picking a leaf from her and writing a letter of gratitude to “he- that- fathered- me” which is over 20 years overdue. How it turns out blame that Xhosa girl Sinawo, so here goes..

Dear Father
I haven’t checked it in a while.
Maybe because I don’t want to.
Maybe because I lost your number.
Maybe because part of me still believes you will call first..

But am not mad, I actually stopped being mad.
Lately I don’t even know how to be mad at you.
Or anyone for that matter.
But this is not about my emotions and their super natural abilities to hold down rage.
Today am actually thanking you.
Because someone being very grateful inspired me .

Thank you for choosing Mother Dearest ..
You sure know how to pick them.
Or your too honest a human being and you knew you would bail at some point,
So you chose Miss Resilient.
And she has held down the fort since 2002.
She even got us a new home.
And everyone of your children with her, but me is out of school.
For your impeccable choice in women, am very grateful

Thank you for my childhood.
Or part of it.
I don’t remember most of it and that’s not intentional…
But the girl I follow Dear fills in all the gaps for me..
And it sounds perfect.
For the horse riding, christmas dresses and bribes to do homework.
Thank you

Thank you for not looking back.
Because I am sure I wouldn’t have it in me to lose you again.
I must admit I waited for you on school visitation days, and maybe some Christmases ..
And then I just stopped
So thank you

Thank you for being my cheerleader
These days am a professional at it..
I like to tell people that they are good at things and you taught me that.
I have days when I remember that you called me a genius.

Thank you for lying,
That my teacher told you I was the best in my class even when I had 40 in Math or was it number in Primary One?
That sometimes gets me through a day of law school harshness.
On days I convince myself its hard.

Thank you for standing up for me against that bully in Primary Five.
I have never felt so protected.
She dropped out of school by the way
Just so you know

Thank you for always letting me give my opinion
Am a better woman for it

Thank you for the uniqueness you brought to my life.
I don’t remember seeing anyone with my kind of shoes or school bags or clothes.
In a good way.
That’s the closest I have ever been to being fashion forward 🙂

Thank you for showing up in the middle of a school day
With boots and a jacket because it had rained..
And you worried I was cold
It was pretty special

Thank you for all the dad-like things you did.
That I didn’t know about and probably never will

Thank you for not dying.
There is a part of me that thinks I would take it like a champ.
But there is a part that thinks I would be a mess.
I really never want to find out.

Thank you because somewhere in my head.
I know your exit paved way for God to take permanent residence in my heart..
Something about being fatherless and finding the ultimate father.

Comments

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          iKomusana

          Why? You were kidnapped and thrown in a dark basement
          So now your dealing with PTSD at the therapist’s office?

          Or you have old people problems a.k. a busy with work 😊😊

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  1. Sinawo Bukani

    But Ikomusana :'( This broke my heart. I am broken reading this. I love you and your writing is beautiful and I could never in a million years write anything this impeccable. Strength and Courage for your experiences <3 <3 <3 You are strong and I respect you <3 <3 <3

    And thank you my sweet heart for the kind words above honestly i feel undeserving <3

  2. Pingback: STATUS: In a Relationship | Subtle Royalty

  3. Kunsa

    I actually can hear your voice while reading this and perhaps even feel your feels.
    This is electric and soulful.

    can’t wait for the other 28. heheh! I am surely like number 25(considering!) heheh.

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  4. E'

    Absolutely beautiful
    I don’t even know what to say.

    But if you were accessible physically, I would hug you soooooooo tight and throw in a few kisses.

    Err, holy kisses lol
    But you don’t seem to me a huggy type. Anyways I make people huggy haha.

    Your closing line is PERFECT

    I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU FOR WRITING.

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      iKomusana

      Do you know how awesome I feel right now because you followed my blog and liked it?
      Honey I could hug you enough times to suffocate you.. But I won’t do that because King David needs you & we ardent followers of your absolutely fabulousness need you to keep bringing it…
      My friend Mercy who recommended your blog is all about Nigeria it’s actually her dream destination,
      So once we kick law school outta the way we shall make the trip 😊
      Meanwhile another not so random thing we have in common is the love for Joyce Meyer
      I get her devotionals everyday & I just got out of a meeting so I can watch her..
      Thank you for reading, and I receive the air hug

      1. E'

        Loooool you are hilarious hun.
        #Hugs
        Joyce z certainly not random. I scream about her every time.
        With all my heart, I’m sprung on Joyce.

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